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Splatoon 3’s Best New Feature Is A Shoe Store Run By A Hairy Crab-Lobster

You don’t need to be a Splatoon aficionado to be able to recognise good. Mr. Coco, an enormous wife-beater-wearing crab-like who runs a shoe shop, is purest goodness. That’s just solid good. The store is called Crush Station, and that makes no sense on any level. Perfection.

In today’s astonishingly dreary Splatoon 3 Direct, where they were able to take a moment away from describing the shades of grey appearing in the game’s lobby, we suddenly sat up and took notice at the appearance of Mr. Coco.

“Get a variety of cool kicks here,” says the paid-to-be-enthused voiceover lady, “from trainers to sandals, and even leather footwear.” I love that “even”! Like, wow, somehow they managed to program in that most difficult and elusive of textures! She then adds, “It’s owned by Mr. Coco. He might look intimidating, but…”

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